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Preface: this is more of a journal than a regular post. You won’t learn much about my adventures in Italy by reading this post and there are no descriptions of food. Okay maybe I talk about food a little bit. There is also some really bad grammar. Apologies.

“What makes you feel at home?”

I have been thinking about this question a fair amount these past few days. My friend Emily and I went to see the Tallest Man on Earth concert this past week. It was amazing, by the way. It was really simple, just him alone on stage with his guitar, but I could have listened to him for the whole night and beyond. It’s possible that Emily and I both teared up at least once each. Anyways, after the concert Emily and I were talking about how good it felt to go see a show, because it’s something we both love to do in the states, and how music can really transport you to somewhere else. Like when I hear The Gardener by the Tallest Man on Earth I am suddenly in the passenger’s seat of my truck while my sister speeds through the Hill Country on a summer day. Which is, senza dubbio, a place where I feel at home. Maybe the most at home one can feel. So. Well anyways, we were feeling adventurous after the show so we went around to the back of the venue and waited for him. Emily decided that she wanted to ask him her question, “what makes you feel at home”. After he was bombarded by a huge group of Italians trying to communicate with him in very broken but enthusiastic English, we got to talk to him for a good while. He didn’t really have an answer to the question. I think we threw him off guard as two English speaking girls with scarves on their heads (we’re playful and mysterious. What can I say?).  Apparently he likes Wisconsin, playing music and being outdoors. In fact, today was his day off and he was planning on going fly fishing. Just in case you were wondering. I was a TOTAL dork and blurted out something like “well.. I mean, personally, music like yours makes me feel at home” and he just sort of smiled and moved on. Whatever. I met the Tallest Man on Earth and he was awkward in the most lovable way. So, okay. That was his answer, ish. He didn't have much wisdom to share except in his astounding performance. And he was really really really nice and adorable. 

Other than music, here is a list of random things that I instantly make me feel at home and/or nostalgic for home:

Sweating (sorry that’s gross. but it’s also true)

Wool socks

Baseball games

Screen doors (geez can I get any more cliché?)

Warm sheets and drinks (ok only hot chocolate)

When my cheeks hurt because I have been laughing so hard

And food, obviously. But these foods are kind of random too. You really can’t pick these things, it’s just an effect that objects/experiences have on your memory. For me, chicken pot pie and enchiladas.  But specifically the combination raw onions on enchiladas. The brand of pasta that I buy here is called Barilla and on the side of the box it says “dov’e Barilla, ch’e casa”- where there is Barilla, there is home. Pretty cocky of them to say. But hey, who knows? Maybe that sentiment will follow me back to the states and I will associate Barilla pasta with my home here in Italy.

I don’t really know which produces a more “homey” feeling- things that remind me of the specific places I consider to be my homes (Austin and Evanston) or things that are constants no matter where I am. For example, laying in the grass looking up at a blue sky through the leaves of a tree. I guess that is more just a feeling of being “at peace” or something. But maybe those are the same thing? I guess I am lucky and “home” to me is a place of peace and happiness. But I guess one of the big journeys you go on being abroad is getting the peaceful feeling from the more constant things. Things that are always with you, because they are part of you. As you grow and find that independence, you realize that your essence is a little stronger and follows you. Self actualization and all of that stuff. I guess when seemingly everything that is familiar is stripped away, you see what is left within you and that’s what you have to latch onto. But, okay. That is a little dramatic for my specific situation. I was hardly stripped away from “everything familiar”. With my computer and the internet (not to mention the material possessions I have with me), coupled with the fact that Italy is quite a “western” country I clearly can’t say that I was cut off from everything that is familiar. But there are certainly many ways in which life over here is very different than my life back home.

I guess what it boils down to is that to truly get that certain at home feeling stay with you longer than just moments, you have to feel comfortable in the place that you are in. And confident too I suppose. Originally I thought that the feeling of success would make me feel like I was really making a home here. I thought when I finally started to feel like my Italian was really strong would be the milestone. But it’s actually quite the opposite. When you let go of the fear of making mistakes is when I believe you are settled. Whether it’s allowing yourself to not pay attention to where you are walking and get a little lost or making a bigger mistake, letting that guard down is really important for feeling at peace and yourself. You’re not you when you are constantly regulating yourself, which is something that I did in the first days or weeks here.

I am kind of talking myself in circles, but to put it simply, Italy has definitely begun to feel like home. When I was returning from Paris it was weird to say I was going home to Bologna- but that is what it felt like. I came back to my apartment and my bed and my roommates and friends. I guess I will just have to put this city on my list of homes in the world. And I can live with that.That being said, I have learned a lot about the value of communicating your ideas. While my Italian is worlds better than it was when I got here and I finally feel comfortable saying it's good, nothing compares to being a mother tongue. I think it is really exciting to learn and explore a new language, but being able to say anything to anyone in any situation is something I have always taken for granted. I want to know so much more than I am able to about the people I meet, and let them know so much more about myself but just can't because of language limitations. So, I definitely plan on not taking that for granted when I get back to the states. And, unlike some people abroad, there is not an inverse relationship between how much I love Italy and my life back home. The Moore the merrier and all that.  

Video from the concert

(just for updating purposes…. There is not toooo much. Lots of cooking and studying…. I will write more about the classes that I just started soon. Went to an awesome antique market the other day and found lots of presents. Oh and I voted!!! For the first time, yay! Like everyone should! If I can do it from abroad, you can do it from wherever you are!)